Dear readers, once again a new American president is upon us. And this new fellow is a huge inspiration for many of our dearest friends and relatives, all of whom, from this day onwards, will be known as factchuckers.
Oho! A new word! But what does factchucker mean? Let me explain. Please be patient.
As some of you may be aware, one of the greatest drawbacks of the English language is that it is absolutely full of sentences.
In fact, at this very moment, you are holding in your hands a newspaper that is jam-packed with sentences from front to back. Why are there so many sentences? Do we even need so many? And why are we using them all without any self-control? What if there is an emergency tomorrow? Should we not keep some sentences in reserve?
Also, what do some of these sentences even mean? For instance, sometimes I will open a news website and it will have a huge headline that reads: ‘Indian Government Securities Experience Slight Decline in Yield Due to Unforeseen Convergence of Market Sentiment and Economic Indicators, Potentially Influenced by Unaccounted Variables in the Fiscal Policy Framework’.
There is no circumstance in which the above sentence needs to exist.
I am reminded of the song ‘Jiya Jale’ from the 1998 movie Dil Se. This unbearable song came out when I was in college. And at least three times a day, someone would come to me and say, “Hello Sidin, you are from Kerala, no? What is the meaning of munjiri kunjiri kinjiri binjiri?”
That lyric is my second most-hated sentence in the world.
My first most-hated sentence in the world is the following: “Is it true?”
Friends, we live in the great age of “Is it true?”
“Is it true?” is a cancer upon society.
The collapse of our modern civilisation will be due to this one sentence: “Is it true?”
This sentence begins its life with someone you know — a wayward uncle, a rapscallion neighbour, an annoying classmate, or a reprobate co-worker — who comes across some kind of nonsense information. Usually on their WhatsApp or on the Internet.
They look at this information and then process it carefully. The information is something very intelligent such as: ‘CONFIRMED BY RESPECTED NASA SCIENTIST: Statue of Liberty is actually wearing Kanjeevaram sari, international media shocked by revelation.’
They will then think to themselves, this is absolute shenanigans. But if I share it on the Internet, it will sell a minimum 5,000 copies. What a dilemma! How to do this without looking like a total buffoon?
Then five minutes later, they will find the perfect solution. They will take the exact same message, paste it directly on WhatsApp or Facebook but then add one sentence at the end: “Is it true?”
Friends, this simple three-word sentence immediately absolves them of all responsibility. It is the anticipatory bail of social media. Because if anybody dares call them a buffoon for sharing nonsense, they will say “How dare you! I was checking only. Will I ever share lies on the Internet? Are you calling me a liar on the Housing Colony WhatsApp group? Just because you have read three books means you have zero respect for elders! Why are you ashamed of Kanjeevaram sari?”
One thing will lead to another. Now your parents are upset and have removed you from all inheritance. Your siblings refuse to be seen with you in any public space. And finally, there is a separate WhatsApp group with all residents except you that is called, ‘Housing Society (Decent and Traditional Values Only).’
This is the true power of “Is it true?”. It is the Brahmastra of the Information Age.
And now with a new American president in office, Brahmastras are going to fly helter and, often, skelter, like never before.
Which is why, my friends, you have to be very careful when you deal with purveyors of this dark art. Or as we will call them henceforth: factchucker.
Example sentence: “This morning, Saudamini aunty sent a message that an Egyptian pyramid archaeologist from NASA has discovered an ancient inscription that reads “Made in India.” I was just about to respond to her blatant factchucking when my mother interjected across my face with the soda maker.”
Do you want to lose your inheritance? Never.
The writer is head of talent at Clarisights. He lives in London and is currently working on a new novel.
Published - January 30, 2025 01:24 pm IST
